When will things will ever be enough?
When you get that job, will that be enough? When your status changes, will that be enough? When your fame reaches the last mile, will that be enough? When your posts receives millions of hearts, will that be enough? When your riches are immeasurable by digits, will that be enough? When society thinks you are enough, will that be enough? When will you think that you are enough? You are a fool.
You are stupid. You are wrong. You should have asked. You never pay attention. You are not smart enough. You never think things through. You have to do it this way, he says. You have to do it that way, he says... I need to lay it out to you step by step every single time. Because you never think things through. Because you are not smart enough. Even so, you never pay attention. And, you are wrong - again. I have told you so. You are stupid. You are a fool. And people ask, why am I always so indecisive? This thing called memory is funny,
and no one can deny that it is fuzzy. I am starting to believe that all is phony, that we remember ever so partially, only those tidbits we deem as worthy. Heck, it scares me senselessly, that I might have done others wrongly, but all I remember is the glory. One day, at the end of my time, and by then only, everything would come rushing slowly, all the mistakes and the havoc and the jealousy, which would be too late for mercy. When it finally strikes you how dependent your life is to another,
and the future seems bleak because this will not last forever, since it is the law of nature that time will go onwards and ends at never, leaving either you or them reign on longer, whilst your selfishness always longs that it be the latter. People say to feel happy, you have to be grateful.
Well, I wish I could undo whatever I had learnt about being grateful. I hate lacking the sense of urgency to strive for more because I am grateful. Truth be told, not that I liked my angry self back when I was not feeling grateful. But, then again, I felt alive, I felt like I deserved more... and they say, I was not grateful. |
Of course life frightens me sometimes. I don't happen to take that as the premise for everything else, though. I'm going to give it 100 per cent and go as far as I can. I'll take what I want and leave what I don't want. That's how I intend to live my life, and if things go bad, I'll stop and reconsider at that point. If you think about it, an unfair society is a society that makes it possible for you to exploit your abilities to the limit. - Nagasawa from Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood
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